Today I found this article and thought was interesting. It is about men and sex... if sex offends you please don't read. I promise there is nothing in this article that I wouldn't read to my own mother so it's not risque. My response is below.
Why Sex is Important to Men
(Click to read)
I have a few points to make.
There are three things I agree with in this article;
One: sex is not a weapon. I am, as many of us are, guilty of this crime. I don't mean to be but sometimes it feels that this is the only thing that we can use to get the point across. Still it is WRONG and I know that. Conclusion, work on better communication on both sides so that YOU don't feel backed into a corner and it comes down to the weapon.
Two: Men have needs from sex that need to be full filled. I don't think it is good for a mans health or the health of a marriage for a man to be with held from sex. I can understand what the article says when it talked about filling their emotional needs and that is how THEY full fill them. I don't think it is right for a woman to with hold IT for weeks at a time. I think sex can be the vital heartbeat of a marriage that keeps it going strong. It IS a gift and a tool to build a solid relationship and we as woman could TRY HARDER to make a effort in that area.
Three:I also agree that, the more they get it the happier they are, but that is just unfortunate.
Now what I DON'T AGREE WITH!
Where did it talk about men making sure they take care of their woman?
I didn't like how it made it sound like a one-way street kind of thing. I always say to Brandon, If you can't be there for MY emotional needs, I can't be there for YOUR emotional needs. I don't think it's right in a marriage for the wife to "give it up" whenever her husband demands it, as this article suggests. I know people who do that and they have husbands who walk all over them. They do not, as the article suggests, cook dinner or is more romantic. If anything he knows that he can get what he wants and go about his merry way with out need to go the extra mile. Why go the extra mile? He gets what he wants none the less.
Why couldn't she say, husbands if you want them coming back for more make sure your taking care of them and keeping her satisfied! I know of so MANY people who are married to men who are selfish when it comes to that area. SO what are woman suppose to just keep doing what the article suggest and HOPE that it will one day make her husband the doting, loving, and giving man she has been praying for?
The whole I have a headache thing is what really bothered me. Maybe I took her wrong when I read that having kids and being tired is a excuse and it hurts your husbands ego to shut them down. But HELLO. We do have kids and we are tired and after changing poopy diapers all day and running around frantic while looking like you escaped from the insane asylum would make any MAN NOT WANT SEX. I agree that it can be relaxing for both people even (or maybe it's just me?) but sometimes you want different kinds of relaxing. And sometimes men will just have to deal with the fact we weren't sent here JUST for their pleasure alone and that life is all about balance. If we "gave in" every time our husband wanted it when would the other stuff we are responsible for?
In conclusion, I think this article should have talked about both sides and how as a PARTNERSHIP you can work on this TOGETHER to make BOTH people happy! I think she could have focused more on COMMUNICATION then the woman just "giving in". I think that by both people communicating their feelings and trying to reach common ground as a couple to decide what is appropriate
Anyone who knows me knows I am fairly open when it comes to this topic. I am not shy to talk about sex and it doesn't bother me to hear about it either. Not that I want juicy details mind you but like I said I am not shy but I try to keep it appropriate. I hope no one finds offense to my topic. I just found it interesting and thought I would share my thoughts.
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6 comments:
I'm with you. Like anything else in a marriage, the best solution is give and take. Some days, I may not be feeling it, and do it anyways...just like some days he may not be feeling like having a tear stained shirt. You should write to the author! You go, girl! :)
ya...I don't know how I feel about that article. I agree with a few things she said, but come on....it isn't all about what the man wants. I know that Seth and I have had to learn how to EACH give even when sometimes we don't feel like it. And it's too bad if they feel shot down after we refuse to give them what they want..they should try doing what we do all day. Maybe then, they would get that we ARE tiered, and we DO have a heardache of some kind! I tell Seth all the time that if he wants sex, but makes me fix dinner,clean the house, bath MaeLee, get her ready for bed and read her bedtime story while he sits on the computer wainting patiently for me to be done, and then at midnight he is ready to go at it, then he probably isn't going to get anything...but if he helps me out, and we get Mae to bed earlier, and have a nice evening together...it will happen! I won't be as tiered, it won't be as late, and I will be more attracted to him because of how willing he was to help me! He is learning, and I'd rather that happen then just GIVE IN!! ok..I am done : )
Lucky for me I am married to a man who is thoughtful of my needs and makes sure that we BOTH enjoy intimacy (I know TMI, sorry). I know to many women who do not enjoy sex, but I think that is because it's over almost faster than it started. Shame on those men. Read a book, pace yoursleves, communicate with your wife. If you make the women happy in that department, you will be a much happier man! I also think sex is sooooooooooooo important in a marriage. It was a gift given to us by God when we were married and we should use it as the ultimate expression of love (remember actions speak louder than words). But I also agree that husbands who pitch in and help out with chores and kids get laid a lot more!! Just my inappropriate 2 cents!
Amen. I'm so glad you are brave enough to post about sex - so many people need to hear it - it is quite sad.
I grew up with Garrett Caldwell and with Brandon, and I came across your blog through Garret and Lisa's. Thanks for posting this, communication is KEY! And it is true that people need to be more open and talk about sex more than hiding it. Thanks again!
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